Fraught with knots she fought to spot then caught the thought that brought her back to naught


Last night I was awaken by a sudden panic attack. It was as if my body was leaping out of an unresponsive state to fight for another round of oxygen. The essence of me twitched and jerked before the Supreme Court of Life with a Judge pointing one hand toward fatality and the other hand towards vitality.


My hand was quenched and I pounded down on my chest to bring back another beat to my lifeless heart. I felt my face falling into the grip of eternity while I pleaded with God to give me just one more breath. I presented my case before the Judge and brought to his attention that a lot has changed since I’ve known him.  I used to be in a mess because of my thinking and being over weight caused major sleep challenges. I wasn’t sure if change could occur and overcoming paralyzing anxieties seemed impossible. I had no strength to confront the panic attacks of the night. They were like a gang of bullies surrounding me with insults and stabbing me with little kicks until my frightened figure gushed forth tears of abandonment.


Every day I monitor my thinking with your help. I’m eating better, getting lots of exercise and I’m deepening my understanding of you through awakenings and soul searching prayer. I’m on the lookout and being watchful and mindful at your request. That’s why I can smile when I’m in physical pain and every day I’m hunting down the thoughts the contribute to unrestrained living. I’m getting out what’s in my head. I’m embracing a fresh encounter with reason and discovering new ways to be grateful for what I do have.


You know, during the moments when the panic attack was subsiding, I wasn’t bothered by having to enter either fatality or vitality. In the past, my life was stuck on a Ferris wheel going nowhere and the path I’m currently walking on is filled with delicious cotton candy and the sweetness of life.

When you think it’s time to send your white stallions with angelic riders to catch me when I pass into eternity, I’m ready.

I have dipped my toes into sparkling beauty. I have tasted songs worthy of singing. I have felt peace flow into the rivers of my nervousness. I have listened to and felt the sound of tranquility.   If I am given one more day, one more hour, one more breath: then, I will catch those thoughts that take me back to naught.




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